Duty

Do you ever get one of those times when you've received so many orders and duties at work you just want to relax at home on a weekend and not do anything at all? I guess it happens to everyone. You serve others so much at work you just want to be served on your off days. You don't want to think about anything even moderately stressful; you don't want to hear the word "duty"; you don't want to do anything for anyone. In short you just want to be left alone. I get that feeling all the time. I think ever since I enlisted I've developed a variation of the victim mentality, that since I do so much shit work (pardon my language) for others throughout the week I demand the best service and pleasure during the weekends. And I get angry whenever my time is wasted during the weekends.

I'll be frank about what started me on this rant. (I rant a lot these days don't I? But what's the point of this blog if not to allow me to purge my frustration?) I was asked to "serve" by doing games for cell group this Saturday. It seriously is not the fault of the person who asked me. It was an instinctive response on my part to shirk away from all responsibility on a weekend, on a day when I feel I should be served, not cracking my brain about how to keep 20 people entertained with some banal game. I know I sound horribly self-centred. But I can't deny the fact that I was irked. I was irked that I was asked to perform a duty for the cell on the first Saturday I'm able to attend after two consecutive weeks of weekend duties. To add insult to injury, I was asked about this yesterday, during my duty in yard.

Her exact words were, "Would you like to serve?" I wonder why she phrased it like that. That was what got to me. Usually people just ask, "Hey, can you do games this sat..." But this was different. And when longsuffering me replied in the affirmative, albeit with a very reluctant tone, her response was this, "Be joyful! It's serving the Lord too! :)"

I don't know, but at that moment I was tempted to reply that certain people believe that blowing themselves up in the middle of a crowd is service to God too. Well, I didn't say that, but her obliviously joyous tone was grating to my heavy spirit.

If I force myself to look at the situation objectively, and in a Christian spirit, then yes, I reluctantly have to say that doing games is a service to God, for whoever serves these little ones serves Him as well, no matter how mind numbingly boring the act may be. And yes, I know I shouldn't let circumstances dictate my happiness. Joy is an act of the will, the decision to rejoice in spite of one's circumstances, and to pray the God will supply the happy feelings. Well then, God help me find a banal game to entertain 20 people this weekend.